Archive for the 'Personal Development' Category

Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously

Saturday, January 13th, 2007

I have an old friend who complains all the time. He complains about his coworkers. He acts as if he is the only one who knows what he is doing, everyone else is incompetent. Then he will wonder why no one likes him, why he is the one that gets passed over for promotion, why he gets fired and goes from one job to another.

Maybe he does know more that the others but he doesn’t create a positive work environment by always pointing out others’ mistakes, he doesn’t create a team atmosphere by belittling them in front of other associates. Not only will they not want to work with you but they aren’t going to trust you. You are only setting yourself up for failure.

If you want to be a success at work help others by mentoring them, point out their successes not their failures and stop complaining about everything. Instead of coming to work with a frown turn it around and smile. No one wants to work with someone who complains about everything. People want to be around upbeat positive people. People that make them laugh, smile, and feel good about themselves.

If you have to point out others’ mistakes all the time to make yourself look good, then you are only hurting yourself by alienating your coworkers and when you make a mistake they will be the first to point it out. Rather than embarrassing you co-workers, help them and find humor, but not derogatory humor, in their mistake.

To Tease Or Not To Tease?

Monday, June 12th, 2006

We are told that teasing is wrong, but in reality everyone teases someone. Whether it’s a little adlib joke or a sophisticated practical joke everyone teases. Much of humor today is based on some form of tease. Making fun of someone or joking about somebody is a form of teasing. It is part of human nature. In school, boys will tease girls and girls will tease boys many times it is because one likes the other. Even though it is hurtful this is their way of trying to communicate to the one they like. When someone gets thrown out in a baseball game or fumbles the ball in a football game their teammates will tease the player. Have you ever reminded a friend of something embarrassing that they did? That is a form of teasing. I don’t know anyone who can honestly say they haven’t teased someone. It may be politically incorrect to say teasing is alright, but in reality we all do it.

If everyone teases rather than condemn “teasing” maybe we should put down rules to teasing.

  1. Don’t get too personal. Teasing someone about a physical challenge or an emotional situation, should probably be off limits.

  1. Don’t embarrass someone in front of a superior. This can undermine someone’s credibility and hurt their career chances.

  1. Refrain from personal embarrassing attacks in front of someone that person is trying to impress. Just because you might think its funny this could have an adverse affect on a relationship.

  1. Know when to stop. If you see the person you are targeting with your humor is getting upset stop. Why risk losing a friend over a joke. The joke might have been funny the first time, but after five or six times it gets old and can be hurtful.

  1. Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if you were targeted with a personal attack in the name of humor? We all know how hurtful a joke can be.

Poking fun at your friends is part of our human nature. In many cases its part of the bonding experience, a mild form of hazing. When that targeted person can laugh at himself they become part of the group.

I am not condemning “teasing” I am just reminding you to remember to not take “teasing” too far.

Dress to Kill (With Laughter)

Thursday, June 8th, 2006

Many speakers today make the mistake of believing dress is not important. Not dressing appropriately can send a subtle message to the audience that they don’t matter. While you don’t want to be extremely over or under dressed, the norm for any speech is to dress just a little bit better than your audience. If you show up in casual attire to a black tie event, it shows a lack of respect for the audience who in turn is not going to respect you as a speaker.

 

It is also important not to dress funnier than your speech. I know of a comedian who came out in a pink tuxedo with pink shorts. The audience laughed for five minutes but the rest of his presentation flopped because no matter what he said he could not top his appearance.

I have seen speakers make this same mistake. They feel they have to come out in a funny costume or crazy hat to be funny. This looks amateurish. It might get a chuckle or two but usually detracts from the overall message the presenter is trying to make. If a funny costume is appropriate for you presentation, make sure the speech can top it.

 

 

4 Steps to Taming the Stage Fright Demons

Wednesday, June 7th, 2006

Everyone gets a little nervous before they speak. It’s normal. When you are about to go on stage you adrenaline starts pumping, you start feeling butterflies in your stomach, sweaty palms, dry throat, etc. In order to be funny you can’t let those feelings take over your body. So, how do you control that fear of getting on stage?

First – Preparation

The more you prepare your presentation the more relaxed you will be. When you have done your homework and know your material thoroughly it makes it easier to concentrate when the pressure is on. Think about those times in school when you didn’t study for an exam and made it much harder to concentrate. Speaking and doing humor is not much different.

Second – Stage Time

Nothing beats the jitters as much as getting up in front of an audience whenever you can. The more you subject yourself to an audience the easier it becomes. Think about something you tried it the easier it got. Speaking is the same. First time nerves tend to go away with experience. That’s why adrenaline junkies have to keep trying new and dangerous challenges. They are continually searching for that nervous rush (I guess some people enjoy that feeling.)

Third – Know Your Audience

I talked earlier about the importance of knowing your audience when preparing your humor. The more you know your audience, then the more your humor ill connect with them, and the easier it will be to get up in front of them.

Fourth – Relaxation Techniques

As you get up in front of an audience more you will start to develop your own techniques for relaxing. For some, taking deep breathes calms them. For others, alternating clenching and releasing their muscles does the trick. I tend to pace to get rid of nervous energy. Although, as an after dinner speaker, that can be difficult sometimes. Quite often I am sitting up at the head table and can’t excuse myself to go and pace. The good news is as long as I am prepared and have done my homework I don’t have the need to pace as much. And even though I tend to get nervous before I go on, once I am in front of the audience I start to relax.

When doing humor it is important to show a certain amount of confidence. In comedy clubs the audience can sense when a new comic is nervous and they react negatively. As a speaker you most likely won’t be heckled because you are nervous but an obvious lack of confidence makes it tougher to win the audience over and get them to laugh at your jokes.

Smile And The World Smiles With You.

Monday, June 5th, 2006

“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” – Mother Teresa

There is an elderly gentleman in my neighborhood who sits at the edge of his garage every day. He smiles and waves to everyone passing by. If your window is down he says, “Hello,” or “Have a nice day.”  This seems like such an insignificant thing, but I look forward to seeing him out there, and on those days that I don’t see him it seems that I have missed something.

I think this world would be a better world if everyone smiled and waived to each other. I was walking from the parking area to my condo last night, when I walked by a lady going in the opposite direction. I smiled and said, “Hello.” She didn’t bother to look up or respond she just kept walking like she couldn’t be bothered.

These two people live in the same neighbor hood and yet two totally different attitudes. The elderly man appears to be happy and outgoing while the lady appears to be unhappy.

How many people do you walk by and yet they never make any kind of eye contact? Have we become a society of untrusting people? Are we too self involved that we can’t even take the time to smile and say hello? Do you smile and say hello or are you one of those that won’t look up when passing by someone?

Even in a place of business less and less people greet me with a smile. I would think that this would be foremost in job training. Teaching their employees to smile and greet the customer. And when they do it seems so forced, so phony. They are only communicating with the customer because they have to.

I must look like a grinning idiot to many people. I tend to smile a lot and say hello to most people. I love to make people smile.

Try this, for the next week every time somebody walks by you smile at them and say, “hello.” See how many people smile back. Who knows maybe you will make a new friend.

Don’t let the News Depress You! Find More Humor In Your Life.

Tuesday, May 30th, 2006

“Everybody’s always drumming on about the future but I’m not letting it interfere with my laughs.” - John Lennon

You can really get depressed by watching the news. Very seldom do the headlines ever report something positive. Good news seems to be reserved for the fluff pieces, if they have time for it. You can miss two or three days of news, and with the exception of a major tragedy, the news is the same. Someone was shot during a robbery, another person was killed in a car accident, a politician is in trouble and there will always be a major drug bust. The names, addresses and dates may change, but the subjects don’t. When ever a reporter says “the index shows…..” you know the economy is going bad. Even when the economy is going good they are reporting it to go bad soon.

We have created a society of cynical, worrisome, negative thinking people. There have always been complaints that the press doesn’t report enough good news, but the truth is we feed off negativity. Ratings don’t go up when the headline reads “Corporate America did something good for the consumer.” The Nielsen ratings sky rocket when we have a corporate scandal like Enron and what is even better for the networks is when there is government corruption.

It doesn’t matter who is in the White House, Democrat or Republican, the Washington Press Corp. is going to find some sort of scandal, government corruption, or indicators show the president’s popularity is low.

So how do we get away from the negativity? Don’t focus your life around the daily news. Remember we may not be able to control what is on the news or what is happening around the world today, but we can control our own lives. Most of what we see on CNN and FOX News doesn’t really affect our daily lives unless we let it. Try missing the news once in awhile, it will still be there when ever you need to know what is going on in the world.  Find positive things to read about and ADD MORE HUMOR to your life.

Instead of spending that half hour watching your local news switch to a station that has a sitcom running during that time. You will probably digest your dinner better laughing at an episode of “Friends” or “That Seventies Show” rather than looking at death and violence on the news.

Make a point of putting more humor in your life. Watch more comedies, read the comic strip in the paper, look at the humorous forwards from friends and coworkers don’t let the new get you down. Unless you can actually go out and change what is happening on the news don’t get too caught up in it. Laugh more. Turn off the news and sit around with your family sharing humor, playing fun games, or whatever you do to put more laughter in your life.
It is amazing how the news anchor will show all this death and destruction and at the end of thirty straight minutes of it they will smile and say “Have a nice day.”

Have a nice day and don’t take the news too seriously.

Overcoming Lifes Challenges - Speaking to the Blind

Wednesday, May 17th, 2006

I just read where a double amputee climbed Mount Everest. It wasn’t all that long ago climbing Mount Everest was thought to be impossible. It wasn’t until Sir Edmund Hillary conquered Mount Everest in 1953. And now many people have reached the summit including Erik Weihenmeyer the first blind climber to reach the top. It seems the only limitations that we have are those that we bring on ourselves.
 

There have been several Track and Field athletes who overcame crippling diseases like polio only to go on to win gold medals in the Olympics. Doctors didn’t give them much chance to walk let alone run, but they didn’t let others set limitations for them.
 

My grandfather lived during a time of great accomplishment. He saw man transition from horse and buggy to the automobile. A time when the Wright Brothers were dreaming of flight to Linbergh crossing the Atlantic to Neil Armstrong walking on the moon.  As a boy before radios first broadcast to a senior citizen watching on television Neil Armstrong take that first step.
 

All these accomplishments were realized because someone decided that it was possible. The only thing getting in the way of you accomplishing something is your own negativity. If you believe you can’t accomplish something you will fulfill your own destiny.
 

This was part of a presentation I gave to the Blind Center of Nevada yesterday. This was one of the most rewarding presentations I have given in along time. After this short little introduction I opened the room up for discussion. The group was passionate, energetic, and almost everyone had something to say. My goal was to get everyone to get out of their comfort zones and to try something that they have wanted to try, but were afraid to. I didn’t encourage them to climb their Mount Everest, but to start with smaller goals and work up to the big challenges.

One gentleman had been inspired by Jim Abbott the baseball player and how he had to overcome having only one hand and yet still making it to the major leagues as a pitcher for the Angels. He had to learn to throw and catch a baseball with only one hand. He would throw the ball,  slip his glove on in the same movement so that he could catch the ball and then take off the glove to throw the ball to first base.

After hearing that story another participant told the story of how he played softball in the Blind Olympics and won a gold medal. They play with a ball that makes a sound so that they can find it. He was very proud of this. He said, he gets mad when someone threatens to punish him for trying something. The blind want to do as many things as possible with out help and sometimes when they try they feel like they are being punished.

Another lady told be that she hates it when people say, “You can’t do that.” She said, “How do they know I can’t until I try.”

When I was a teenager my parent’s were always getting after me for saying, “I can’t” to everything. Before I would even try I would say, “I can’t” or “I don’t want to.” This kind of negative thinking really puts restraints on you.

One lady said she wanted to start her own business educating the medical profession on how to treat the blind. She said, when a nurse calls your name at a doctors office to go back and see the doctor she will stand at the door and call out the name, but a blind person doesn’t know where the door is and will get up searching for the door tripping over other peoples feet trying to find the door.

Just then another lady said, “Yes, when I was in the hospital they would bring my food and put it on the table and not tell me. It would sit there and get cold. Someone else would come into the room and ask me how come I didn’t eat. I didn’t even know it had been delivered.”

Deb. the one coordinating the group said, before Maureen Keene (volunteers with communication classes) and I started coming to the group she was very introverted and spoke softly, but now she speak as an advocate to the blind. She got out of her comfort zone for her speaking was her Mount Everest.

Times have changed from when the blind were institutionalized or standing on the corner with a white cane begging for money. Today the blind can do many tasks and function quite well in a sited world and all they ask is that we treat them with the same respect of a sighted  person, are patient with them and assist them when needed.

When Not to Use Humor

Monday, May 15th, 2006

I often talk about using humor in situations to break the tension in a business setting. Quite often heated discussions break out and a humorous comment can be made to cool things down and put the discussion into perspective. But, there are times when humor should not be used. If you are the one being targeted with the serious discussion you may not want to reply with a humorous comment so that you don’t sound flippant angering the other person. The best thing to do is to listen and not interrupt. Let that person finish, many times they just need to vent, they feel they need to be heard. Cracking a joke may make things worse. Try to find something to agree about. Repeat part of their statement so that they are aware that you were listening.  Avoid negative or defensive responses. Don’t be accusatory. Even though you feel you were verbally attacked, don’t escalate the matter by being accusatory.

When using humor in such situations don’t be sardonic. Use a less sarcastic tone so as not to anger someone. Don’t poke fun at someone or their idea; you don’t want them to take the joke personally. Use more generic humor about the situation; the purpose here is to not be a comedian but to be part of the team.

Humor and Leadership

Monday, May 8th, 2006

“A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.” Dwight D. Eisenhower

Do you have to have a sense of humor to be a leader? No. Hitler probably didn’t have much of a sense of humor. I doubt Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Laden, or General Manuel Noriega ever said, “did you hear the one about…” and if they did tell a joke how would you like to be the person that didn’t laugh. What would happen to you? Dictators and terrorist don’t need to use humor to be a leader, they lead by fear. History shows that they may be successful for a short time, but they usually end up deposed or worse.

Most Democratic countries and successful businesses have leaders that not only have a sense of humor, but know how to capitalize on it. At President Ronald Reagans funeral President George H. W. Bush said, “Perhaps as important as anything. I learned a lot about humor, a lot about laughter.” We can all learn about humor in leadership from former President Reagan. Even his detractors acknowledged the effectiveness of his humor. When Reagan was shot, he helped put the whole country at ease when he joked with the surgeon prior to his surgery. “Please assure me that you are all Republicans?” and the surgeon replied, “Mr. President, today the entire country is Republican.” Reagan also joked with Nancy saying, “Honey, I forgot to duck.”

Abraham Lincoln said, “I have always believed that a good laugh was good for both the mental and physical digestion.” And John F. Kennedy was quoted with saying, “There are three things which are real: God, human folly, and laughter. The first two are beyond our comprehension. So we must do what we can about the third.”

So how can having a sense of humor help make one a better leader?

By not taking yourself too seriously people will take you more seriously. Employees tend to not take a manager or boss who is full of him or herself too seriously. If you act too self-important you are going to end up the butt of the joke losing credibility. Others will feel comfortable around you if you display a sense of humor.  Sometimes we become so serious on the job that others don’t want to work with us. Sometimes when we get a title in front of our name or a few letters after our name we become so self important that we create a negative environment. Does this mean you shouldn’t take your job and your responsibilities seriously? NO! Do the best job you can possibly do. But it does mean that you can still have fun while living up to your job and its responsibilities.

Maintaining a sense of humor can also help reduce stress around the office or in an important meeting. Humor and laughter can reduce stress, break the ice and help maintain a sense of calm in order to accomplish what must be done. There are always going to be stressful situations that is part of business, that is part of life, but the ability to find a little humor can help overcome the stress so that you and others can get down to what is really important. Stress can prevent people from being as productive and creative as they need to be in order to reach their goals. Comedian John Cleese said, “If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play.”

Professional Speakers Take Control of the Audience

Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006

A friend of mine called me the other day asking for some help with her contest speech. She is competing in Toastmasters “International Speech Contest.” An annual contest that is world wide starting in January and culminating at the World Championship in August.

She has made it to the District level which is all of Southern Nevada and all of Central California. If she wins District she will move on to the Region and then possibly the World Championship of Public Speaking in Washington D.C. Everyone from her home club has told her she has a great speech, but she needs “to learn to take control of the room before she starts her presentation like George does.”

I have competed many times in the past and others have observed that I get the audiences attention before I start to speak even before I am introduced. This is what entertainers call stage presence. Anyone can stand up in-front of an audience and tell jokes, give a speech, sing a song, but to be a professional entertainer, comedian, or speaker you have to have stage presence. This is what separates the amateurs from the professionals. Many call it the “it” factor. Do they have “it?” The question now is, is stage presence something that you can develop or are you born with it. Can Stage presence be taught? I believe yes and no.

I believe that you have to have “it” in you to begin with, but many need to be taught how to bring “it” out of them. When I first started I didn’t have stage presence, but I believe I had it in me. I was too nervous and inhibited, but I knew if I was going to make it in humor I would have to get over my nervousness and inhibitions.

The first step in developing stage presence is to get up in-front of an audience as often as possible. There is no substitution for stage time. You have to overcome stage freight. You have to overcome what comedians and entertainers refer to as “Flop Sweat.” This is that feeling you get when you are performing on stage and the audience is not responding to anything you are doing and you break out into a cold sweat. You may always be a little nervous on stage but you have to get it under control. The only way you can control nervousness on stage is by more “stage time.” If I go through a period of time where I haven’t been on stage as much as I am used to, I tend to feel more nervousness.

The second step is to know your material. If you are too busy trying to remember what you are trying to say you cannot possible have stage presence.  Knowing your material gives you the opportunity to concentrate on your delivery.

The third step is to dress just a little nicer than your audience. You want to be the focus of attention on stage. This goes back to dressing for success. If you are dressed too casually, the audience isn’t going to focus on you. I should say you don’t want to overdress either. Many entertainers wear a lot of flashy sequined outfits and that is ok for entertainers, but not for speakers. My friend Steve Pavlina who has a personal development blog also owned a computer game software company and when he would speak at computer conferences he said the audience wouldn’t listen to you if you were dressed in a suit and tie. There it is was better to wear a t-shirt and jeans, but for the most part you should dress just a little nicer than the audience

After you get over stage freight and you know your material then you can really learn how to develop your personality so that you can take control of the room. When I competed I liked to sit near the back near the exit. I would get nervous before a contest and want to pace or go to the bathroom. I didn’t want the audience seeing me get up a lot. I didn’t want to appear to the audience and especially the judges that I was nervous before I got up to speak.

Just before it was my turn to compete I would go over to get miked up, I would smile stand-up straight and walk with confidence. This is where I would start to settle down. I knew the audience shouldn’t see me looking nervous so I had to get my nerves under control. Taking a couple of deep breaths and standing up straight can help with that.

When the master of ceremonies (toastmaster) would start to introduce me, I would take one last sip of water so as to not have dry mouth when I spoke. When I was introduced I would walk a little faster than my normal walk with a big smile and look like I couldn’t wait to get up and speak. I walked and spoke with purpose. I would almost jump on the stage. Shake the toastmasters hand and then stand in front of the audience smile and make eye contact. One of the toughest things for most speakers is to just stand in front of the audience without saying anything. I would just stand there and let the applause die down. Only after the applause died would I go into my introduction. Standing in-front of the audience with out speaking shows confidence. It lets the audience get to know you. You want to make a good first impression. You want the impression to be of having fun and that you are confident. In the wild an animal can smell fear. The audience can also detect fear in a speaker. This can hurt your presentation. The audience isn’t going to listen to you, respect you if you appear too nervous. When I was doing stand-up comedy I noticed that the most successful comedians didn’t always have the best material, but the had the best delivery. If the comedian was confident the audience usually laughed, but if the comedian was nervous the audience didn’t laugh and even occasionally the comedian would get heckled.

I recently tried to give this advice to another competitor in the same contest. And she said her speech was too serious that she didn’t want the audience to think she was having fun. She lost. You can still give a very serious speech and show the audience that you enjoy speaking. You don’t have to be a grinning idiot just let the audience know you enjoy what you do.

Choreography is important. You don’t want to pace too much or just stand in one position the whole time you want to move with meaning. The trick is to make it look natural. I see too many speakers that are too choreographed and they don’t look natural when speaking. Their movements are stiff and it appears that they are thinking “when I say this, I will move my arm this way.” When I was in theater class the teacher would say a good set design is one where the audience doesn’t notice it. The same applies to your choreography, if the audience notices your gestures it may detract from your presentation.

The overall goal of taking control of the room is to be confident enough to be yourself in front of the audience, so that they focus on you and what you have to say.