Casual Friday - Jokes, Quotes, and Anecdotes.
“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.” - George Carlin
“First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.” – George Burns
“The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.” -Marty Feldman
“If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.” - Dick Cavett
“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” - Mel Brooks
“I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.” - Henny Youngman
“You’re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.” - Rowan Atkinson
“I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.”
- Gilda Radner
“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”
- Oscar Wilde
“He’s too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie.”
- Neil Simon
“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”
- Dean Martin